August | 2017 | the myasthenia kid

As it was the August Bank Holiday weekend here, Mr Myasthenia kid had three days off in a row, so we have been spending the time together. It also meant that there wasn’t time to spend writing a blog post, so I thought I would do something different this week and which follows on from last week’s blog post a little.

I have decided to share the photos I took over the last week. Where I can provide a little commentary.

Wednesday 23rd August 2017

I accompanied hubby in the car when he took the dogs out for their last walk. Whilst he walked them I amused myself taking photos. I took a couple of the single track road as I liked the way the clouds were looking and how empty the road was.

Amazingly the herd of cattle wandered into view. I have been wanting to take photographs of this herd for months. We have been watching the two calves grow on every visit to the common. Unfortunately every time we came up until now they had been in a location with very poor light, too far away from us or we couldn’t see them at all. I was overjoyed that I now finally had some photos of them.

The big bull wasn’t too happy I was in his face taking photographs. I could feel his breath on me and the longer I was there, the less sturdy the fence felt!

This girl was beautiful but she never got very close to me so this was the best shot I could manage.

I also managed to get a photo of the two calves.

Thursday 24th August

I came upstairs and found Frankie sleeping on my bed. He looked so cute I had to get a photo

Friday 25th August

I didn’t take any photos, I spent a lot of the day organising stuff for a day trip at the end of October. I also had to wait around for a delivery, which didn’t turn up until late. So I spent the afternoon lying on the sofa.

Saturday 26th August

My “Rachel” hybrid tea rose has got blooms five and six on it with number 7 in bud.

In the evening I managed to take two shots of the Common again whilst hubby walked the dogs.

Sunday 27th August

I don’t really need to explain this one!

Making a curry for dinner, with Mr Myasthenia kid helping.

After the dogs afternoon walk, the all decided to cram themselves onto the rug in the lounge, something they never do.

Monday 28th August

I can’t look at this photo without smiling / chuckling. It was one of those photos that just presents itself. I was waiting for Jay to get back from the shops, whilst reading the newspaper online. Willow had taken up her usual on guard position of lying on the back of the sofa / on the edge of the window ledge. As it was a sunny day I had closed the curtains as the sun’s reflection was bouncing off everything. I looked over my shoulder and saw Willows nose poking out from underneath the curtain. I was amazed she didn’t move which is what normally happens when I try to take a photo of her.

Tuesday 29th August

My “Rachel” hybrid tea rose again, as the flowers have fully opened. Hubby and I keep saying how the flower on the right of the photo looks like a double flower. The smell is magnificent.

I managed to pick up two books by Emma Bridgewater second-hand from Amazon. I wanted the hardback copies as, I have in the past when I have bought paperback copies of books with photographs in found it highly annoying that all the photo’s are in the centre of the book completely out of context. At least this way the photos are relevant to the text.

On 25th August (Friday) a friend who is the manager at a local charity shop messaged me to let me know she had a piece of Emma Bridgewater come into the shop and did we want it. So on Tuesday Jay went to pick it up. It is a dinky fluted bowl which I have since found out was part of a Walkers Crisps promotion last year. It’s a little bowl for dips. I have been collecting Emma Bridgewater for a few years but I didn’t seriously start collecting until the very end of last year, before that I had about 15 mugs. I dread to think how much I have now.

So that was the last 7 days in photos, just something a little different this week.

It is a horrible situation to be in when you lose faith and start to doubt yourself. I know so many people with chronic health conditions who have felt the same way due to the way one idiot doctor has made them feel. When you aren’t believed, your symptoms are minimised or you’re told there is nothing wrong despite the fact your body is screaming at you that there is something very wrong, you can lose faith in your ability to be objective. You can start to let that seed of doubt lay down roots. Those roots do a number on you and you can start thinking that you are a hypochondriac / there’s nothing wrong / you need psychological help. Despite trying to remain strong after that awful appointment nearly three weeks ago now, seeds of doubt had entered my mind.

I know how ridiculous that sounds. I know that there is something wrong with me, I know that despite the doctor claiming that there was nothing wrong – despite not actually examining me and looking at what was in front of them. It has been niggling away at me, I have been doubting my symptoms and that is a dangerous position to get into as it messes with your mental health and it makes you play fast and loose with your physical symptoms. The last three weeks I have been having an internal dialogue all about the appointment and what I could have said and done differently, even though I know that the decision had been made before I even entered the hospital.

I have also found myself doubting that I still have ptosis, although no magic wand has been waved to make it disappear. So much so that one morning when I could feel it coming on, I deliberately waited to see what would happen before I took mestinon. I had almost convinced myself that since the neurologist believed that there was nothing wrong and could provide no explanation as to what was wrong, then my ptosis would simply disappear. However I was soon persuaded that this was absolute rubbish when it took a good hour to get rid of this when it happened just after I’d had a shower.

But what if I had been having breathing problems and I convinced myself that there was indeed nothing wrong with me? What if I had ignored all the signs that were pointing to the fact I was having a MG crisis? I could have died purely because I had believed the word of a neurologist who didn’t even show me the courtesy of examining me.

The appointment has made me really angry, not only because the neurologist had a closed off mind and had decided before they had met me that I didn’t have MG, but because it brought up all those feelings of doubt that I had ten years ago. It has really shaken my confidence, I am doubting and second guessing everything. I have become quite withdrawn and I am spending a lot of time in my head. All due to one stupid appointment that didn’t last more than 30 minutes. Do the doctors that treat patients like this realise what they do to us? Or do they not even care because we aren’t their problem?

I am lucky I am strong enough to know what is going on, that my mind will be all over the place for a couple of weeks whilst I process all of this. I have good people around me who lift me up when something like this happens. I’m also savvy enough to know that I am the only person that can break me out of this funk and that it is vital that everyday I do something I enjoy and that I am good at. Even if my self-confidence has been shattered it is important to get up every day and try.

What I really love to do when I am in a funk due to an appointment / doctor / life in general is get creative. I have loved taking photographs for years. I really enjoyed doing a six-week photography course when I was at university. The older I have got the more I have understood about lighting, composition etc. I know the best room in the house for taking photos in natural light is the kitchen, if I take photos in the lounge I am left with artificial looking colours due to the flash going off, or sunlight bouncing off surfaces causing glare. The only camera I use is the one on my phone ( I can’t wait to upgrade as I didn’t get enough memory on this one), I use the filters on Instagram but I wouldn’t know how to Photoshop unless someone sat me down and gave me very basic instructions on what I am doing. Taking photos and getting feedback is something I love and it boosts my confidence. Especially when someone famous likes your photo (or several of them) or when Emma Bridgewater’s social media team contacts you and says they’d like to use your photo. That has happened to me 6 or 7 times now and I have only been posting photos of my Emma Bridgewater stuff since January. So I am pretty pleased.

I am an amateur when it comes to photography but I really find it relaxing and the positive affirmation I get through Instagram has lifted my mood. You can find me here.

Here are some of the recent shots I have taken if you don’t use Instagram