Bigger break than expected

I never intended to be away this long from the blog and I can’t promise that I will get back into regular posting any time soon. However those of you who have followed me for a while deserve an update so here it is.

Over the last few months Mr Myasthenia Kid and I have been sorting out his late mothers estate ready for probate ( this is a thing we do in the UK, it just means that the will that has been left is legally binding and that inheritance tax is sorted if the estate is worth more than a set amount ). We have also been winding up her accounts and any payments due. At times this has felt like a full time job, every day off during the week Mr Myasthenia Kid and I have had to make various phone calls etc with some company’s being so inept even when dealing with a bereavement team that multiple phone calls have been made, letters to CEO’s have been delivered and on a few occasions we have been awarded compensation due to the mess they have made.

It seriously feels like we haven’t had a day off from this in months and now whilst probate has been granted and the last little bits and pieces are getting done, we now have to sell our home of 18 years. 

Selling a house is stressful, combine that with the loss of both of your husbands parents and the stress levels rocket to something you have never seen before. When I do get a minute to call my own, which is really bloody rare currently it is mainly spent zombie like due to exhaustion. I am waiting for an enormous crash, my health has taken some really dodgy turns over the last few months. On a couple of occasions I have almost called 999 for an ambulance as I have had bowel adhesion pain so bad I have passed out. I have had week’s of non stop migraines triggered by occipital neuralgia and that has then impacted my sleep. At least once a week we travel down to the new house to ensure that everything is ok and that is also adding to my levels of fatigue. I have got to the point of just wanting the whole silly game to be over with and we only had the photos taken by the estate agent this morning – I am writing this on Wednesday.

Our home has had to have some decorating done and some tidying up in places. It is hard work scheduling everything in when you have so many different things to deal with. Finally things are coming together and we are in a position where we can put our happy home up for sale. Which I never ever thought we would do as after moving here in 2003, I categorically stated I would never, ever move house again! 

I know that we are really lucky in the fact we can move our belongings into the new place and not have to do a mad one day move that is the norm. I can’t wait to have my bed down at the house as the bed that is there at the moment isn’t very comfortable. It is always the same though isn’t it? There is nothing like your own bed. Although Mr Myasthenia Kid reckons he sleeps better at the new house than he does here.

Our current home is now just a shell, all we have left to move down are the white goods, my bed ( including mattress) and some bits and pieces. The rest is either being left for the new owner or given away via a local group on Facebook to families in need. I often go to put something away and realise that I no longer own it or it is down at the new house. It does feel like we are constantly living in limbo not quite belonging here but equally not 100% belonging there.

My emotions are all over the place, I go through regular waves of overwhelming sadness at losing my in laws, leaving this house, leaving my home town of 26 years, leaving my friends and valuable support network. To then being filled with excitement at the new adventure before us, coming up with plans for the garden and colour schemes for the rooms. At times it can feel quite wrong to be pleased about the new house because it came at such a high price. There is just so much to process that I just don’t have any desire to write either blogs. I need a break from everything but I can see it being a few months until we actually do finally feel grounded again.

So due to this my blogging maybe sporadic as it has been since October. Sometimes life just gets in the way. With so many changes happening in a small period of time, I simply can’t keep all the plates spinning like I did when life was a tad quieter and simpler.

Keep everything crossed for us that the house sale goes smoothly, we could do with a bit of good luck for a change!

An update

 I had no idea when I posted last, that the day it went live would be the day we received a phone call from the hospital to say that my husband’s mum had taken a turn for the worse. The hours drive down seemed to take days rather than minutes. My husband dropped me and Dembe off at his parents house whilst he made his way to the hospital. 

Despite knowing she was terminally ill, we believed she had more time. We had been through exactly the. same with Mr Myasthenia Kid’s, dad back in April. I know some people think it is better to know that someone is coming to the end stage of their life as they will have the time to say what the need to say. All I can tell you is that there is never, ever enough time. Just like that Mr Myasthenia Kid became an orphan and all that shared history was gone. There are things he will never know now that his parents are gone and my heart breaks for him. I know my situation is different I chose to walk away from my family after years of emotional / narcissistic abuse. I had done my mourning or so I thought. 

His loss has become my loss as I watch him constantly for signs of depression, of something more than grief. There are days I see his eyes fill with tears when something on the TV comes on that reminds him of his parents. There are days when I have to tell him the same thing over and over because he is so overwhelmed by his loss that it is impossible for him to absorb any more information. I want to wrap him up in cotton wool and take his pain away but that isn’t how this works. There are no words of comfort, just a hug or a hand squeeze to let him know I am here and I will hold us together until things get a bit better.

There are nights he wakes up at 2 or 3am re-living her final moments, he hasn’t told me much, he can’t find the words. All he says is it is the way she looked the sound of her struggling to breathe that comes into his dreams as his subconscious tries to process all he has been through in the last 7 months. He has looked as bad as he did when Frankie and Mollie ( our dogs ) passed away within 7 days of each other. I have feared that he would become seriously ill due to the grief and pain of it all. All the time my anxiety reaching new levels, whilst I cling onto anything I can control because the world feels like it is spinning out of our control.

I have managed to help him with the jobs that have to be done after someone has passed away. Many of the different companies have online forms that you can complete to be able to notify them. It is only EE the mobile phone company that have been dreadful so far. Asking insensitive questions for information like passwords to my late mother in laws accounts, which had she shared with us would have made the security of her account null and void. I let rip at that one as I was so sick and tired of the complete lack of care. Initially they told us we had a £164 debt to clear only when I got to the billing department they told us there was no money outstanding. I was only passed on to the billing department as I refused to pay had I not stood my ground then they would have made money off our grief that day.

I am grateful for the fact I have been able to help him, I could see how much it tortured him having to go over time and time again that his mother had passed away. It took over 4 hours to notify all the companies that we could. I was drained both mentally and physically after that and I wonder how anyone who has suffered a bereavement could cope having to do that all alone. I wish there was more that I could do to help him.

I really don’t know at the moment when I will post again. I am beyond exhausted and there is still so much to do. We will be moving house so we are  sorting out our current home so that we can get it on the market in January 2022.  We started having a big sort out in the summer so a lot of it has been done already but we have lived here for 18 years so we have 18 years worth of belongings to sift through. We laugh now at how huge this house seemed after moving here from our one bedroom flat. There are lots of emotions tied up with leaving this house and starting a new life in an area we have never lived before but we will have family around us so we aren’t so isolated. 

So that’s the state of play, other than all of the above we are ok. Dembe has been a champ ensuring his dad is comforted all the time. He has been sleeping in his room a lot now so that Jay is looked after. Dembe has been a huge comfort to us all through this.