Health Update

After last weeks post Spondylolisthesis my back improved massively. Just yesterday I was considering dropping taking the naproxen as it hadn’t caused me any issues at all for a number of days, then I woke up this morning and bang the pain was back.

I have pushed through as much as I can today but I had to give up at 14.30 and take some diazepam. The muscles of my backside are really tight and sore. When they are like this it is a symptom of the Spondylolisthesis, it aches down the back of both my thighs and no position is comfortable. Standing feels like someone is kicking me in the arse, sitting makes my buttocks ache and I get severe pain in my coccyx. If I could lie down knowing that by doing so I wouldn’t be woken up at 2am by my back throwing a tantrum I would. So at the moment my only relief is by having a hot water bottle applied to my back ( far too hot ) and regular changes in position which makes doing anything difficult because those changes need to be made every ten minutes or so.

If I knew why my back had kicked off so much today I would be happier, I didn’t use my sewing or embroidery machines at all yesterday. We had a relatively lazy day but even in that we were moving around and I certainly wasn’t static for hours at a time. Which I know does cause me issues, so I am at a loss. I have avoided all the things I am supposed to like lifting – can’t do that anyway, staying static for too long. All I can think is that I have turned weirdly in my sleep and hyper-extended my spine and it is letting me know today that it didn’t like it.

I have always found wherever possible distraction is the best possible thing to combat pain but some pain is just so strong that no amount of distraction can stop those nerve signals being acknowledged by your brain. That is why I like sewing / embroidery / crochet as it means I can distract myself most of the time but today it hasn’t mattered what I have done those pain signals are just getting stronger and stronger. I am very glad that we now have a dog walker who takes Dembe out for an hour when Jay is on a late night as it means Dembe settles very quickly in the evening and I will be able to go to bed and attempt to get comfortable relatively early on tonight. Rather than Dembe needing mental stimulation for 90 minutes or so, to tire him out and get him to wind down for the day. 

Much of the last few days has also been spent on high alert as from now until the 23rd (ish) I am on migraine watch. This week of the month is usually when it strikes. Yesterday ( Tuesday) I was convinced it was going to be today as I was starving hungry all day with nothing satisfying me. I am still trying to work out what the signals are that I am going to end up having a migraine but there is nothing I can say is 100% concrete that is a definite clue that it is going to happen. I have noticed mood changes the day before, hunger and sometimes the evening before my vision goes a bit weird. However it doesn’t happen on each one, which means sometimes these things happen, I get frightened because they have been so bad and then nothing. Which is exactly what happened last night. 

I am a few weeks into the Migraine Clinic protocol and they advise that you really need to have been doing it for around 3 months before you can say if it has had any effect on your migraines. You can find the protocol HERE. So it is too early to say at the moment, also I have been known to skip a months migraine and have it two weeks later so a cycle of 6 weeks rather than 4 weekly. That is the major issue I won’t know when the next one is coming. I have worked out that dehydration is a trigger but it is a rare trigger as due to my excessive thirst I do tend to drink much more than the average person. The day in question when I did suffer a migraine it followed a day where I had been drinking alcohol from around 2pm in the afternoon (Cider at 4% so not the hard stuff). Because I didn’t have any additional fluids I am pretty sure that is what triggered that one and I had to use my emergency meds. I was very grateful that I did have my grab bag made and everything in one place as it meant I could take the meds and get my head down.

I have been religiously taking my supplements and even managing to remember to take the midday dose of the one I have to take three times a day. A new alarm on my phone helps me remember!

As sitting is literally a massive pain in the butt and I am having to type this sitting down I am going to wrap this up now. Plus I took half a diazepam about an hour ago and that starts messing with concentration levels. Plus I want to tidy up a bit before Dembe gets back from his yomp on the common!

Mardy Mare

You wake up some mornings and you just aren’t feeling the love for anything. Your force yourself to go through the motions but inside you feel like you are dying. It has been one of those days where everything is a real effort and things that would normally bring me joy aren’t doing anything for me. I would prefer to sit and cry if I am honest. If Jay wasn’t home I probably would. I try not to cry in front of him because he is so determined to fox things and well the way I feel today can’t be fixed. I can only hope tomorrow I wake up with a renewed sense of enthusiasm.

When I had days like these previously I would panic that it was signalling the return of my depression. Over time I have learned that there are days that for no reason what- so -ever I will wake up and feel blue. It might also coincide with a pain flare which is what I am experiencing at the moment. The arthritis in the base of my thumbs is quite painful and during the night I must have hyper extended my lower spine, as I have a trapped nerve which is making it painful to walk, stand. Not that I can do either very much normally anyway. Because of that pain the rest of my back is trying to join in with back spasms. Making everything bloody painful which really doesn’t help me on the mood front. 

I know that I just have to make it through the day and hopefully tomorrow I will feel if not completely back to normal at least 80% there. It is a really weird mindset to be in as there is stuff I want to get done but when trying to complete various tasks I just run out of enthusiasm for them or my body / mind feels like it is trying to operate in a sea of treacle. Everything seems to take 10 times longer than it really should and it is frustrating because if I could just get my brain to engage and not wander I would be able to reach the goals I have set myself for the day. 

I am kicking myself for leaving my blog post to the last possible moment to write as I am struggling to remain focused for long enough to string a sentence together. Earlier in the week I had a really good subject for the blog and had started composing it in my head. I have now forgotten it and that is winding me up too. If I am honest everything is annoying me today. If I could get up and leave myself I would. I hate being around myself when I am in this kind of mood. I am trying to choose my attitude but the overwhelming attitude for today is just pissed off. I am also for the first time in forever feeling very hormonal. Which is really just piling on the shit on an already shit day.

God I am even boring myself writing this, god help anyone who reads this. Lets hope by tomorrow this strange mood has done one for all our sakes. It is making me a right Mardy Mare!

For those of you who have no clue what Mardy means find the definition here