It’s 13.20pm on Tuesday 17th October and I am here stressing to high heaven because at 14.15pm I will be in the dentist’s chair. Like every single person I know with EDS, I hate the dentist. I am only going today so that I don’t get kicked off the list and end up without a dentist. The last time I was there it was a nightmare, which you can read about here in my post Blind Panic . I am still really angry that he didn’t listen when I told him local anesthetic wears off on me very quickly. He obviously thought he knew better. I ended up chickening out of the hygienists appointment because I was having panic attacks a week before it was due. So today could be very interesting.
A few months ago one of my back teeth disintegrated when I was eating some chocolate. I wouldn’t have minded but I was nibbling at it with my front teeth when the back molar (upper right 7 I found out this afternoon) decided to just fall apart. I know the dentist will want to fuck about with this tooth, be it a crown etc but he will be told by me that I want it pulled if he wants to play with it. I don’t do root canals or anything other than a straightforward filling with my teeth. The reason behind this is I have a shockingly low pain threshold when it comes to my mouth. Anywhere else on the body I am an absolute trooper but I never get adequate pain relief when they are messing about with my teeth. At 43 I believe I am entitled to call the shots when it comes to my teeth.
I know some of the low pain threshold with my teeth is caused by the abject terror and stress a visit to the dentist causes me. Me and Dentists have never got on, probably because for a lot of my life EDS hadn’t been diagnosed, it didn’t seem to matter to the dentists treating me if there were tears rolling down my face and I was screaming whilst they were carrying out treatment. I was to be ignored because I’d had anesthetic, so I couldn’t possibly be feeling anything. The problem was I felt everything. Now the association is set in my mind that whatever the dentist does will mean pain to me. My last dentist was brilliant, very patient and understood EDS. She had got me to the point of not being absolutely terrified, which was quite a step forward. Unfortunately she has left the NHS and now practices privately. I am hoping today that I will be able to find out where as I need to build my confidence back up and hopefully get her to have a word with the guy that is my dentist now. I am hopeful that due to me almost ripping the drill out of his hand last time that it was enough of a frightening experience for him as it was for me that he takes me seriously. But it’s been a long time since I went…………..deliberately.
There has been a lot going on here, decorating, a trip planned and me being much more unwell than usual. I had a very bad flare up of Hidradenitis Suppurativa which then had an impact on my hemifacial spasms (**sarcasm) no really it affected my MG like symptoms really badly, (I have been exhausted, very weak muscles and ptosis coming on within 2-3 hours of taking mestinon). I have been on mega doses of antibiotics trying to avoid any surgical intervention as this is the worst flare up I have ever had. I am still not out of the woods as the antibiotics are due to finish shortly and the abscesses although have reduced in size are still there. If I could get out of going to the dentist today (not due to fear) I would have as I am utterly exhausted again today.
I am going to have to go and sort myself out ready to leave. The time is rapidly approaching for my appointment. I will let you know how I got on when I get back.
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The good news is I am still alive the bad news is I need a filling on the tooth that disintegrated. It was quite amusing as the dentist didn’t remember me, so I gave him a brief overview of our last appointment. Which he laughed and then checked the notes, saying “oh my goodness yes, I don’t remember it but it’s all here!” . I explained to him again that I am an absolute wuss when it comes to dental work. I told him that I believed a lot of it was psychological due to years of painful dental treatment when I haven’t been believed when I have told the dentist I can feel whats going on. That I now have a deep anxiety about the dentist and that I had chickened out of going to the hygienist in March because I had started having nightmares two weeks before the appointment.
I still don’t think he 100% appreciates how very difficult it is for me to attend appointments just due to the fear but he was so gentle today, a completely different bloke than last time. Not that he was rough last time but he had a different attitude. Half way through the appointment he said “You can’t have adrenaline in your injections can you?” to which I nodded as his fingers were in my mouth. He said “ I remember you now, you faint if you have the adrenaline” again a gurgle and a nod for a reply from me. Obviously there aren’t too many of us that actively request no adrenaline.
I have to go back the second week of November for my filling, which is fine by me. It gives me a chance to chill out a bit after this appointment. I am utterly drained of energy now. I was better this time on the lead up to the appointment probably because there is currently so much else going on, I couldn’t sit and focus on it. Of course in three weeks I will have to go through all the stress again knowing I am going to have to have a filling but that’s life.
On the way home Jay said “I just don’t get why you have such a low pain threshold at the dentist and why you get so anxious, you’ve had lumbar punctures and all sorts of horrid procedures done without adequate pain relief” I agreed but as I have said I think it is a lifetime of painful dental treatment that has left me like this. He knows how hard it is for me to go and was telling me how brave he thinks I am for going. If I could get away with not going I would but I can’t having had dental abscesses before I need to be on a NHS dentists list.
Being a grown up really sucks sometimes.