Dry Eyes

I got diagnosed with dry eyes over ten years ago, it could have been 15 years ago, I just know Travis ( our first Weimaraner) was alive then. How I found out I had dry eyes was due to the fact a cigarette end had blown into my eye whilst we were in the car. The agony it caused I will never forget. I had a burn to my cornea and thankfully no lasting damage but a few weeks later my eyes were feeling very sore so I took myself off to the eye infirmary where I had a few tests and found out my eyes were incredibly dry.

On and off for years they have been treated ( very poorly) with the first line treatment for mild cases of dry eyes hypomellose. That treatment in all the years I have been taking it does nothing, the liquid evaporates off my eyeball in a matter of seconds and I am back to the sore, itchy burning feeling I basically put up with 24/7. On the odd occasion when I have made a fuss I am given lacrilube to use at night, which is alike vaseline for your eyeballs. It is fabulous stuff but it means you can see fuck all for hours once it has been applied so has to be done when you are certain you are going to sleep.

I have brought up with numerous doctors that my dry eyes were getting worse, that I am waking up with crusty eyes that then burn and sting for the rest of the day. For some reason I just haven’t pushed this and have allowed myself to be fobbed off with the excuse that it is my medication causing my dry eyes as if this is in some way my fault. I am now coming off all medication that causes dry eyes – even though I have been put on these after the diagnosis of dry eyes was given.

On Sunday morning I woke up with with my eyelid stuck to my eyeball. That is as grim as that sounds. Only I didn’t twig what was going on until after I rubbed my left eye and it felt like the top surface of my eyeball had been removed. The pain caused my eye to water profusely. I also worked out that this has been happening for months to a much lesser extent, I keep waking up with a searing pain in my eyes, my eyeball has been sticking to my eyelid.

I realised quite early on, that I had an abrasion on my cornea but I just didn’t want to have to go to the local minor injuries unit with the high probability that they would send me onto the eye infirmary. I foolishly thought how bad could it possibly get ? I decided that I would ignore it in the hope that the pain settled because ignoring it has always worked so well in the past. We decided that we would take Dembe up to the local supermarket to give him some experience of dealing with a shop environment, noise and large volumes of people. He handled it like a pro and we were both so proud of him.

He is walking like a dream and has stopped jumping up at me when I am on my scooter. He now sits beside me and waits for me to give him a cuddle.

My eye pain was ok as long as I was 100% distracted, so I threw myself into binding a quilt I had made for Jamie aka Mr Myasthenia Kid. I wanted to get it finished and he wanted it finished and on his bed! I managed to get that done but as soon as I finished and no longer had anything to distract me the eye pain ramped up by about 500.

I actually waited until Monday to take this photo.

We decided we would start watching season 3 of Stranger Things. I sat with a hot compress on my eye because my logic was the heat would help it as they advise a hot compress with dry eyes. I was kidding myself still that the eye pain was dry eye and would settle. I lasted 20 minutes until I asked Jay to take me to the local hospital where they had a minor injuries unit. I knew (well I hoped they still had it ) that they had all the kit for an eye exam, I kept my fingers crossed that they wouldn’t insist on sending me to the hospital and the eye infirmary. As I knew the wait would be horrendous and sitting up like that for several hours would knock me for six.

Jay dropped me at the eye infirmary and he took Dembe out for a walk. I am extremely grateful that I was seen within 20 minutes of arriving. It wasn’t busy but there were other people coming in with more serious issues than I had. I was ushered in but immediately told that they would only do a basic eye exam and then send me to the main hospital as I had Ehlers Danlos syndrome. I questioned this as I knew it was just an abrasion and no need for the trek to the hospital ( one I hate due to a couple of twatish doctors based there). I was informed as the eye is made up 100% of collagen they couldn’t mess about. I was shocked that this nurse was so on the ball with EDS. Normally they are clueless, not their fault if they have never come across it I must add.

I made a few grumbling noises along the lines of its just an abrasion there is nothing wrong with the rest of my eye and that sitting for hours up there would make me much sicker in the long run. I had an eye test which I think I did reasonably well or well enough to convince her I wasn’t in danger of losing my sight imminently. So she acquiesced and did a proper eye exam. The local anesthetic stang like hell, it felt like I had a million paper cuts on the surface of my eye and she had poured vinegar on it. Once the stinging wore off it provided me with a lot of relief as the pain was dulled massively. She had a look at the structure of my eye which was all sound. She then added the lovely yellow stain that they put in and immediately could see I had a superficial abrasion right across the centre of my eye. I hadn’t been able to pinpoint where the pain was coming from my eye hurt and hurt more every time I had to blink. It made sense that it was right across my eye.

Me when I got back from the minor injuries unit. I was given antibiotic ointment, as my eyes were so dry it would provide some relief as it has to be put in 4 times a day. I was made to promise that if it wasn’t any better the following day I had to head to the main hospital and get it checked out. Thankfully it was an awful lot better the following day.

I have an appointment with my gp next week that I had booked for another reason – which I will still be bringing up! By the time I go to my appointment the local injuries unit would have informed them that I had an abrasion on my cornea caused by my eyeball sticking to my eyelid and that my dry eyes need to be treated! However as it is more than a week away I have spent £30 on dry eye ointment for night time to keep my eyes moist and to prevent them sticking to my eyelids again and some much stronger eye drops that should provide more relief than the tap water ( sarcasm but that might as well be what it is) I have been prescribed up until now and that someone saw fit to remove from my repeat prescription list. 

My eyes are still quite uncomfortably dry, I am awaiting my delivery of the day time drops as nothing I have here if I wish to be able to see at all will provide any relief. When people say they have dry eyes unless you have experienced it you would never realise how bloody painful it can be.

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Migraine

I had wonderful plans for what I was going to write this week but at 4.30am I was struck down by a migraine. Thankfully it is on its way out, the attacks have been shorter in duration since I worked out my migraines are triggered by instability in my neck when I am asleep. As soon as I know a migraine has started I put on my soft cervical collar and keep it on for several hours. When I can I add in 2.5mg of diazepam to relax the muscles that go into spasm on my forehead. Although the length of time I suffer with pain has shortened the after effects last all day. I am very limited with screen time. Hence why this is such a short post.

To make up for the lack of words I will spam you some more of Dembe, who is an absolute angel when I am poorly. He stays by my side and will only start behaving like a 7 month old pup once I am up and moving around.

Hopefully normal service will resume next week.

Holiday Post

Mr Myasthenia Kid has been on holiday over the last week and for the rest of this week. Due to this I woke up today Wednesday 26th June and realised I hadn’t written this weeks blog post and I was completely clueless as to what to write. So I am going to be really lazy and just spam you with some photo’s of Dembe who has totally stolen my heart!

This was his first meal back on January 11th 2019. We laughed so hard with him climbing inside the bowl. He was so dinky I was permanently terrified that I would stand on him or fall over him.

 

This was taken when he was 9 weeks old. It seems ages ago that he was this tiny, it’s crazy to think it was this year.

 When he first came home he was obsessed with anything that smelt of his daddy and still is. His latest trick is to raid Jay’s dirty laundry basket and steal pants out of it. If there are no pants anything will do as I found out this morning as he brought a T-shirt into my bedroom.

We bought him a cute little toy box which we thought would last him a very long time. His favourite thing to do was chuck all the toys out and climb inside. When he first came home he couldn’t even get in the toy box and we would have to get his toys for him.

In this photo he is 19 weeks old and it marks 11 weeks that we have had him home. It is really crazy how much he has grown in just 11 weeks. At this point he could get on and off the bed by himself, climb the stairs up and down, jump on and off the sofa. All stuff he was way too tiny to do when he first came home with us.

A month on and he has grown again! No longer looking like a baby but like a small grown up doggy.

This along with his first go in a paddling pool is my all time favourite video of him. He had been confined to a small patio for around 6 weeks whilst the garden was revamped. This was on the first day that he got to explore the whole garden. He went crazy! Just adorable.

His first go in a paddling pool back in May. He loves his paddling pool.

He has got so big he can now jump on the bench, the last thing he has been able to master.

This was yesterday at the garden centre as part of our homework from his obedience training classes. We are taking him out to lots of places so he gets used to being in different situations as he is being trained to be my assistance dog.

Last month I taught him how to take my socks off. He loves doing this.

It took him minutes to master. I am still so proud of him.

He is now 7 months old, todays achievement was that he cocked his leg for the first time on a walk. Jay was so proud of him. I missed it as I am unable to accompany them on the walk due to the distance and terrain.

He has given us such joy in an awful time. I really wouldn’t be without him.

Pure Joy

I try not to write an awful lot about Dembe on here mainly because he has his own blog The Dembe Diaries . However there will be times when I do write about him because he is such a huge part of my life. I really can’t believe how much I love the little guy as initially I was too scared to give him my heart completely. Talking to Mr Myasthenia Kid he said the same, he didn’t want to be hurt or feel the pain again in the future ( a very long time away we both hope obviously). The problem is this little guy is just so loving and so utterly devoted to the pair of us.

As the weather had turned warmer we decided that we would get Dembe a paddling pool. We had been looking at various different types but it was pretty clear we would need something that was going to withstand puppy claws. A child’s inflatable paddling pool would spend more time having punctures repaired than actually filled with water. I saw my best mate on Instagram had got her dog a rigid paddling pool which was exactly what we were after. I found out where she got it from and we bought one the next day. 

We had no clue how Dembe was going to react to a paddling pool. At the moment he will not walk through puddles on the common but if the shower is on he will dive in. He will chomp on the water coming from the hosepipe so his aversion to puddles is a real mystery. 

We needn’t have worried as he went absolutely crazy for it. The video was shot as it was being filled for the very first time. He stayed in the paddling pool ( jumping in and out) from 8.45am that morning until gone 2pm when he finally came back in the house and went to sleep for two hours. He had paddling pooled himself out!

Jay decided on Thursday whilst he was at work that Dembe needed some artificial turf placed around the paddling pool so he didn’t slip and slid on the patio slabs. He was running around like crazy on Thursday morning and we were worried due to his over excitement he was going to have an accident. At least with the artificial turf in place it would soften a fall and give him somewhere else to lie down outside when he wanted to chew a bone / frozen carrot.

 Since the garden has been revamped he has loved being able to go outside and play. He has also taken over one of the garden chairs and is using it as his sunbathing area.

I took the photo above yesterday. Green crocodile is one of his favourite toys, he loves soft toys and has loads of them. On Monday night he managed to drop well actually he threw Crocodile into the paddling pool. We had been expecting it as he likes to toss his toys up in the air and then chase them. I had to put crocodile in the wash and I had just given it back to him . I was in the kitchen and Jay was in the lounge, I looked outside and fell about laughing. He was sat there as proud as punch with crocodile hanging out of his mouth.

Dembe makes us laugh so much everyday. He has such an enormous personality. He is such a loving dog and also so very clever. Last week I taught him how to remove my socks and he now does this every night for me.

 

I did make the mistake on Thursday evening of asking Dembe to take my socks off whilst I was sat outside. He took them off and then proceeded to dump in the paddling pool. Lesson learnt, only get your socks taken off in the house!

Next week we will be starting his obedience training classes, I am excited and nervous at the same time. I know that he is reasonably easy to train so I can’t understand how Mr Myasthenia Kid can’t get him to walk to heel. I also want to get him to be able to walk alongside my mobility scooter and for me not to have to worry about running over his feet. I am also worried that the class will wipe me out as it is held in the evening and my ability to join in with a lot of it is going to be severely limited. However it is really important to get the lead work sorted, so my fears will have to be overcome.

Dembe brings us so much pure joy everyday, I am so glad we have him in our lives.

The Dentist… not an experience I wish to repeat

As regular readers will know last Friday I had the dentist for a tooth extraction. It wasn’t a very pleasant experience and for that reason I am stating now

if you are fearful of the dentist or have a dental phobia please skip this week’s blog post.

I would hate for anyone to read this and then never go to the dentist again. So I am warning you it wasn’t pretty but there were some humorous bits as well.

I had been pretty wound up about this trip to the dentist from the Tuesday of the week before. Granted I asked for the extraction as I couldn’t stand the thought of having to listen to the drill going and the fear that at any moment the local anaesthetic will have worn off and I will be able to feel everything. The night before the appointment I decided that I would take 5mg of diazepam to ensure I slept. Fear of any kind of medical appointments can leave me struggling to sleep for up to a week prior. Thankfully I had been able to sleep over the previous 9 nights, as we were sorting stuff out due to the car. I slept well but woke up with my usual Diazepam hangover I get when I take the full dose. Of late I have been cutting them in half as they work just as well when I am struggling to sleep.

My appointment was for 9.35am, as we now get up ridiculously early due to Dembe ( although saying that he slept until 6.10am this morning had his breakfast and then slept until 8am – unheard of and what a luxury!) it felt like it was hours away. At 8.45am I took 5mg of Diazepam, now I never take Diazepam during the day, maybe in the evening when my back is in spasm and I would never take the full dose of 5mg. I also took some oramorph so it was in my system and would hopefully help with the pain. By the time we were travelling to the Dentist surgery at 9.20am I was off my face! 

I actually felt like I had drunk several gin and tonics on an empty stomach. My face was numb and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. Jay dropped me off, I prefer doing the dentist alone as then I don’t have to pretend to be brave to an audience. He was going to take Dembe to the beach. I checked myself in and made my way to the waiting room. Eternally grateful it was on the ground floor as by now there was no way I was ever going to manage to do steps by this point. Putting one foot in front of the other without falling over was enough of a challenge. Thankfully the waiting room was empty and I wasn’t going to have to pretend I wasn’t off my face. It was like one of those situations where you are having pretend you are sober and the harder you try the drunker you look.

It was just as well the Diazepam had rendered me incapable of doing much at all because I was late going in for my appointment. around 30 minutes. At any other time where I hadn’t taken Diazepam I would have just run away claiming a prior engagement for not being able to hang around. By the time I got into the consulting room I was floating, I knew I was at the Dentist but I didn’t really give a shit, which is the complete opposite of how I normally am.

As I walked in the Dentist asked me how I was, I laughed and said ” I’m floating” he looked a little confused so I reminded him that he gad previously advised me to take Diazepam for any interventions he was going to carry out. He started laughing, normally I am so uptight I can barely speak. I wasn’t looking forward to the procedure but the overwhelming sense of fear and need to get the hell out of there had gone.

I reminded him – god knows how that I really didn’t need any detail during the procedure, just a high level overview at all times. It is the detail that makes my fear spiral out of control. 

Now my memory of events is a little hazy, I am having to look back at stuff I wrote on social media whilst still under the influence to remember exactly what happened. I know it was horrific and I am still in pain. My gum where the tooth was removed is black and blue and I have only been able to eat solid food from last night 4 days after the extraction. I do remember being rather amusing although it may have been only me that was amused.

Initially my Dentist had a look at my tooth again. I know that he said that it had disintegrated further from just over a week ago. I do have a terrible habit of unconsciously clenching my teeth when stressed and obviously over the last week with having to find a new car and this appointment looming I had probably been clenching more than normal. The tooth to give you a basic idea is on the right upper jaw at the back 7 I believe is its number. It was filled a very long time ago, due to EDS my teeth have narrow fissures which mean they are much more prone to needing filled. Had anyone realised I had EDS as a child they would have sealed all my adult teeth as they came through to prevent caries ( decayed areas). Instead now I am left with teeth that are rapidly losing their enamel and are more filling than tooth. Anyway I digress, the tooth being removed just to complicate things had also fractured. So I one side of the tooth stood the filling and on the other sat the really crappy tooth.

The dentist then gave me two injections one either side of the tooth. The one on the outside of the gum wasn’t too bad but the one on the inside of my gum near the roof of my mouth really stung. Whilst he was waiting for the local anaesthetic to take effect he then did a quick clean of my teeth. I had to stop him once as it was sore, on my bottom jaw at the front but I can see how much better they are looking for it. Of course on the side where he had done the injection he could do whatever he wanted as I could no longer feel anything. As he knew he would have a limited time in which to work as I tend to burn through local really quickly, as soon as I was numb he set to work.

This was really weird, the dentist moved the chair really high up, so I was face to face with him and I was sat bolt up right. I closed my eyes at this point as I find it really uncomfortable staring into someones face whilst they try to rip your tooth from the gum. I have no idea what kind of implement he was using, I am guessing some kind of pliers, as I could feel the end of them against my lower lip. As he was pulling away the pressure was immense. I felt like my cheekbone was going to shatter and my TM ( temporomandibular joint – the hinge joint of your jaw either side of your face in front of your ears) was going to dislocate. I put up with it for so long and then I grabbed his arm and explained that the TM joint was moving beyond a normal range of motion and felt like it was being pushed to the point of dislocation. Let alone the feeling of pressure in my cheek bone. He wasn’t impressed and said “you are going to feel some pressure” I responded that I understood that but I was very aware of the fact that it wasn’t going to take much more for the joint to pop. Reluctantly I agreed that he could continue. He started up again and it was really quite clear that this approach wasn’t going to work. My tooth was claiming squatters rights and a different approach was needed.

As my tooth was quite fragile due to the fracture in it he decided to put a band around it to try and maintain its integrity and to stop it fracturing into tiny pieces. It didn’t work as although all I could feel was pressure there was the sound of a tooth exploding and a wedge of tooth dropped into the back of my throat. I tapped his arm for him to allow me to sit up and then I spat out what had dropped into the back of my throat. It was a chunk of the filling and a piece of tooth. What shocked me though was the sheer amount of blood, the dental nurse had done a good job using the suction device as I hadn’t tasted or felt any blood at all. I had however missed the sink bit when spitting and the dentists pristine white unit and floor now resembled a bare knuckle boxing ring. I apologised profusely for making such a mess. I then grabbed another piece of tooth out of my mouth and loudly declared “the tooth fairy isn’t going to accept this shit is she?” to which both the dentist and the dental nurse laughed. Probably more at the fact the longer I was in the chair the more drunk I was sounding.

As the tooth had disintegrated in my mouth the dentist decided he was divide up the rest of the tooth and remove it piece by piece. This meant the use of the dreaded drill. I started shaking a lot and I had zero control over it. The dentist asked me if I was ok but as he had his hand in my moth at the time I could only make a weird sort of noise that was accepted as a yes. The smell was disgusting, a weird burning smell. I spent the whole time gripping the armrests praying that the local anaesthetic was going to hold. I knew that this deep into the tooth there was a high chance if it was to wear off it would be like a scene from Marathon Man.

More moves with the pliers and more blood. I was starting to swallow it now, which was making me feel sick and slowly the tooth  came out in pieces but it was only the tooth that was visible above the gum line. The roots themselves were refusing to budge. The shakes were getting worse, at about this point I was lying there thinking I wish I had just had the bloody crown done. I had innocently assumed that the tooth would pop out without issue and now 20 minutes in we were looking at playing a game of dig out the roots. My heart rate well that must have been close to the 200’s. I was shaking like I was plugged into the electric mains. My heart sank when he informed me he was going to have to dissect the root in my gum using the drill. Again the fear was that the local anaesthetic would have worn off and I was going to be in pain.

I have to say at this point my dentist was really good. Every time he went to use the drill before touching me he would blow cold air onto the area he was going to work on to check it was still numb before he started. It wasn’t until it was all over and I was sat up talking to him that I clocked that he had a syringe primed with extra local anaesthetic in case it had been needed. I finally felt that after all this time he was listening to me.

I tried really hard to get the shakes under control but there was nothing I could do. The taste of blood the smell of the roots of the tooth being  broken up into pieces. I heard him ask the nurse for the root forceps or something similar. I had to ask to sit up again as whilst the nurse had been getting the tool for him a whole load of blood and bits of root / tooth was sat on the back of my throat choking me. Again I was a little taken back at the amount of blood. I know it was mixed with saliva but the blood was really bright red and thick, so was probably 90% blood and 10% saliva. I really didn’t fancy my prospects of being able to get off the dentists chair without fainting.

By the time it was over I had been in the dentists chair for over 35 minutes. I still couldn’t stop shaking. The dentist showed me the root’s of the tooth he had removed it was over an inch long no wonder the fucking thing hadn’t wanted to come out. It had also been twisted around the other side the root. Still under the influence of Diazepam I said “that’s a fucking monster” I do try to limit my profanity when in polite company but it felt right in the moment. It also noticed there was blood all over the instrument tray and all over his gloves. It is a good job that I don’t faint at the sight of blood.

I have to say this was the most violent and traumatic tooth extraction I have ever gone through. At the end of the procedure the Dentist told me that at one point he thought he was going to have to send me to hospital as he didn’t think he was going to be able to get the roots out. I am not surprised because I think I went into shock during it and that was what was causing me to shake so violently. Plus the sight of all that blood, repeatedly.

At the time of talking to the dentist I was clamping down on the gauze they give you to apply pressure to the wound. After five minutes he checked that it had stopped bleeding which it had but he gave me a spare gauze to take home. Just as well because 10 minutes after being home my mouth was full of blood and I then had to sit for 40 minutes with the gauze clamped against the extraction site to stop the bleeding. When I finally removed it, it was soaked all the way through.

The pain really started to kick in a few hours after I had got back home and my face started to swell. It took every pain medication in the house taken at regular intervals to get the pain under control. My TMJ also flared up with pain so moving my jaw was incredibly painful. For the next few days I was washing my mouth out with salt water every 2 hours. I felt so sick for hours afterwards due to the amount of blood I had swallowed during the course of the surgery. Its not an experience I want to repeat and I think I maybe referred to hospital for the wisdom tooth to be extracted after that debacle.

Its now Wednesday and I am still in pain at the extraction site. The pain hasn’t got any worse and it is localised just at the site rather than what it was like on Friday where the whole right side of my face hurt. I think due to the EDS it is going to take longer to heal. If it hasn’t settled down by next Monday I will give the Dentist’s surgery a ring as it would have been well over a week since the tooth was removed. I have had a quick look inside my mouth and there is quite a bit of bruising so I imagine that is contributing to the pain.

The good news is that on the same day of the tooth extraction Jay picked up our new 2nd hand car. I didn’t get to go out in it until Saturday but it is lovely and very comfortable. Dembe has given it his seal of approval and covered it in long yellow hair!

***

About an hour after I finished writing this post my mouth really began to hurt. It was hurting all along my cheek bone, up into my eye and nothing was touching it. I waited until 11.50am to ring the dentist as I was wondering if it was psychosomatic but as the pain was increasing I knew it wasn’t. Finally the dentist surgery rang me at 14.30 after I had rung them again just before 2pm to find out why I hadn’t heard from them – the pain was increasing and I just wanted there to be an end in sight. They asked me to come straight down.

Even thought this was an emergency appointment I was seen straight away by a different dentist than my own. He confirmed that the blood clot had been lost from the extraction site and that bone and nerves were now exposed. He had to give it a good clean out with cold water and then picked out all the food debris that had got in it. He said it was showing no signs of infection but he took an x-ray and they will contact me if they find anything. 

The extraction site has now been packed with iodine gauze – which tastes grim but has reduced the pain I was in enormously. I have got to try to keep it in situ for the next few days. Then resume the hot salty water rinsing. 

I knew this morning when I woke up feeling exceptionally tired and rough that something wasn’t right but just couldn’t put my finger on it. So glad that I have been, the only time in my life I was happy to visit the dentist!

Adulting

Well it seems that the universe isn’t done with fraying my nerves. 24 hours after last week’s blog pots was published we found out that our car was in need of some expensive repairs. The repairs were going to cost more than the car was worth – just the cambelt change we had been advised would cost us £400 with the best case scenario. On top of that we needed to get the mid section of the exhaust repaired as Jay had gone over a stick or stone and that had removed the exhaust from its mountings. It is at times like this I really can’t abide this adulting shit. I wish sometimes that someone else would swoop in and fix it all but then that would mean I wasn’t an adult at all. At 45 I need to realise the days of someone swooping in have long gone.

Being nervous about my tooth extraction went out the window. Instead Jay and I had come to the realisation that as much as we loved the car we have that this was probably a slide into it becoming a money pit. With one of the hospital consultants I see an hours drive away we need a reliable car. Other than trips to the hospital we do very little mileage. But I can’t be sat at the side of the road waiting for the breakdown service. 

I did a quick search online – this has been how I have found the last two cars. I thought I had found something ideal a silver Peugeot 207 Estate. It looked in good nick, nothing on there was screaming out to me. So rang the garage and this is where its gets bizarre. This garage was advertising on several well known sites yet when the phone was answered it was answered with just a “hello” not a “Hello XXX garage”. Initially I thought I had dialled the wrong number, so I asked if I had rung the garage, to which there was a bit of a pause and the guy at the end of the phone said yes. I then proceeded to ask him if the car was still for sale and if it had a recent cambelt change, full service history. The answer I got was yes the car was still for sale but he didn’t know about the cambelt or where the paperwork for the car was. The bloke sounded strange but I put it down to maybe he just wasn’t the full shilling. I should have taken a breath and realised how dodgy this all sounded. I mean a garage who answer the phone without telling you the name of the business, a car for sale ( and they only had 4 advertised on all the sites) and he didn’t know where the paperwork was. However I was stressed, I wasn’t thinking straight and we needed a car. Jay was dispatched by Taxi to the garage.

Whilst Jay was on route something was nagging at me about the car – my brain had finally engaged. So I did a background check on the cars history. Its cost me 50p and I could look up 5 different cars should I want to. What I found out concerned me, the car had not been on the road since 2017 ( which would mean an 8 year old car in 2017 hadn’t been able to be sold). It had failed its 2017 MOT and the list of fails and advisories were shocking. Ok I admit I had to google what half of them meant but even I knew a sub-frame failure wasn’t good. I messaged Jay and told him to come back. He messaged me back saying they hadn’t been able to find the garage – another bizarre thing, as the guy on the phone had told me the full address was on the website. However Google Maps had never heard of this garage. Thirty quid lighter and very stressed Jay got home with a migraine. He had to sit outside in the cold for a while, whilst I got him some pain killers and anti-sickness medication. He really did look rough.

So back to the computer I went, our options were being dictated by what was nearby and what boot size the car was as I have a mobility scooter and a wheelchair that I need to be able to put in the back. Most cars other than estates and people carriers just don’t have that kind of space. Just when I was about to cry with frustration I discovered a small garage 12 miles away that had a Renault Grande Scenic for sale, this was the next model up from what we currently drive so we knew the boot space was going to be ideal. I showed Jay the photos and I then rang the garage. This time I was told the name of the place I was ringing, which was a good sign! I then had a chat about the car and asked if the cambelt had been changed. The guy said no but it would be changed before we bought it. 

I did another background check it was 22 days without an MOT and probably about the same for car tax. I looked through its MOT history it had passed it’s last MOT with no advisories ( for those of you in the USA etc who are unfamiliar with the UK system cars have to be checked every year by a garage after they are 3 years old. This is to check it is safe and its emissions are compliant with the law. Advisories are things the garage notes that tells you although it didn’t fail the MOT on those points they will need repairs before your next MOT.) It had failed MOT’s in the past but all the work needed to ensure it passed and all the advisories had also been addressed. 

The problem was we had been advised that our Cambelt could go at any moment and we were only using the car now for essential travel. Where we needed to go was out in farming country and was down tiny single track roads. Should the Cambelt go out there we would effectively be up a certain creek without a certain paddle. Thankfully my parents had text me to let me know that they were up at their caravan ( about 3 miles away from us) so I rang them and explained the problem. They came to the rescue with my dad taking us over to the garage to have a look at the car. We took Dembe with us and he was such a good boy, as he isn’t brilliant in the car as he can whine a bit but he barely made a sound.

As we pulled up the the garage I could see that the owner had pulled the car out onto the tiny forecourt for us. Believe me I have travelled an hour to see a car at a garage in the past and found it at the back of the lot hemmed in by other cars despite them knowing we wanted a test drive! So that was another tick in the box. We had a look at the car, it was perfect for us. The boot was enormous and technically it is a 7 seater as there are two folded down seats ( completely flat ) in the boot. The car is big enough to take Dembe’s crate and my mobility scooter un-assembled. My mobility scooter comes apart so it can fit in the boot of a car. 

As we were happy with the car the deposit was paid and now we play the waiting game. The car needs an MOT and whatever work needs done for it to pass, if it needs any. It will be having a full service, the cambelt changed and the rear drivers side passenger window fixed. It’s an electric window which isn’t working, not that we open the rear windows with Dembe in the back. 

I am now going stir crazy as although Jay is still using our current car to take Dembe up to the common for his walks, I am not going with him as if the car breaks down I can’t walk home. I don’t have the ability or strength to walk should that happen. So I am currently going stir crazy as I haven’t left the house since Friday afternoon. Normally I go out of the house in the car about 5 times a week. That drive out onto the common, even though I just sit in the car, keeps me sane. It gives me something different to look at. I am at the point now where I just can’t wait to get outside. Of course this week I had a load of appointments my hospital appointment was booked for tomorrow so that has been cancelled. I was supposed to be at physio today but again its been cancelled due to not wanting to drive the car that far. The only appointment that is still going ahead as planned is my dentist appointment Friday for my tooth extraction. If we don’t have our new ( 2nd hand car) here by then I will take a taxi. 

Whilst sorting out the replacement car I ignored the fact that I had a UTI brewing, which caused me loads of pain over the weekend and I am only just feeling back to normal now. Thankfully I already had antibiotics in the house so as soon as I realised it wasn’t just an irritated bladder I started taking them. So Saturday afternoon I ended up having to go to bed as I felt so ill.

So we are on the countdown now to getting the car, I just can’t wait to get outside and see something other than my home and the garden!

what’s a cambelt?

Solace in creativity

Last week I wrote of my guilt at being happy, although I received lots of supportive comments, my emotions are still all over the place. The last week or so I have cried everyday over Mollie, Frankie and Willow. I think that is why I have been trying to occupy every minute of every day lately through some sort of creative endeavour or to get out of the house, so I can’t sit and brood.

I am beyond exhausted, last week Jay was on holiday and we spent the week catching up on jobs that have probably been outstanding for 12-24 months. Obviously I am very limited in what I can do and with Dembe ( our nearly 16 week old yellow Labrador pup) it is very difficult to do things together. We made a massive dent on the list of jobs that need done but as anyone who owns a house will tell you, one job soon multiplies and becomes another 4.

We have sorted out our bathroom, its been in a state of almost done for around 10 years I kid you not. Little jobs needing done but neither of us having the energy or inclination to get it completed. I finally cracked and decided a week before Jays holiday enough was enough and it would get completed. Initially it was just that the grout and silicone sealant would be redone. That however has evolved into the bathroom being redecorated – overdue as I believe it was last done possibly 5 years or more ago. Which then means that before the walls are painted the woodwork gets repainted. So the thing spirals. All because I can’t spend any free time doing nothing because the minute I do the sadness overwhelms me.

I have been working hard on the creative side of things as well. For a while I didn’t want to do anything, I didn’t know if I would ever be able to do anything again. Both days that the dogs health suddenly declined I was sat at my embroidery machine. I blamed myself for not paying them enough attention. To not sew or give myself a  creative outlet was a way of punishing myself. Because as I stated in last week’s post I love to make myself feel guilty.

So I thought I would share my makes with you. I am limited with how much I can type this week as my shoulder (right) is grinding away and popping out, my wrists and fingers are also playing me up. So typing is uncomfortable.

I have been making this one for a friends granddaughter. This will get turned into a cushion at some point over the next few days, depending on when my shoulders and wrists / fingers decide to cooperate.

I’m not happy with either the hedgehog or the sheep as I rushed the hooping and as a result they have puckered. However these two will be turned into cushions for our home and I was desperate to see how this design stitched out.

I love the highland Cows design, this was from the same Etsy seller who designed the sheep and the hedgehog. This one will be a cushion for us. I am toying with putting this design on one of my blank sweatshirts.

 

 

The Charlotte cushion is a Christmas present for my niece – you probably think I am bonkers but I like to work well in advance in case my health suddenly declines. That way I don’t feel stressed out in December trying to make lots of gifts to a deadline of when Jay will drop them down to our relatives.

The owl Cushion – I bought this design around Christmas time. Due to the dogs passing I never got the opportunity to stitch it out. So I had a go a few weeks ago. I am really pleased with how it turned out. 

The Evie cushion was for a friends Granddaughter. This will be the last one I stitch out of this design as it has been poorly digitised. Every time I stitch it out I have problems in the same place. I have invested in a new unicorn design now!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I made a job lot of doorstops, many of these will be gifted during the year or at Christmas. These doorstops have washable covers as the bottom has an opening that has velcro to fasten it. Inside I have used cat litter ( clean obviously) to weigh it down. I place the cat litter inside a ziplock bag and also use an elastic band so it has two forms of closures to stop any leakage! I enjoyed making these door stops, it made a nice change and was a challenge for me after making so many items the same on the run up to Christmas and with making cushions.

As I haven’t posted a photo of Dembe on here for a few weeks, I thought I would share this with you. 

This is me and the little man. He sleeps every night with his head on my pillow. Most nights his nose is touching my head or face. I love feeling his breath against me. He is such a loving little chap. Without him I’d have never made it through the last 10 weeks.