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Update on End of my Tether

/ RachelMorrisMcGeethemyastheniakid / Leave a comment

Last week I wrote about the horrific migraine I had and as I stated when I wrote it just because the acute phase is over it doesn’t mean that you are 100% back to normal. I spent the following 7 days with a headache varying in severity. It took until Monday ( 25th May ) for me to finally be free from a headache and any other lingering post migraine symptoms.

I did manage to write a letter to my gp surgery on the Wednesday as I said I would in my blog post and that bore fruit. I have now been prescribed sumatriptan . The gp contacted me via a text message which was weird as I have never had that happen before and contained within the message was a link toThe Exeter Headache Clinic protocol . I have included the link just in case anyone is interested as I found it very comprehensive and have taken onboard all the suggestions contained within it.

I printed out the the protocol as I am useless reading off screens ( unless it is blog posts but they have to be broken up with frequent paragraphs, long posts with no breaks are an instant turn off for me as I just feel overwhelmed). I then made a list for my husband to get the OTC ( over the counter ) medications from the pharmacy at his place of work. I also asked him as I have a history of projectile vomiting soluble aspirin / paracetamol etc to ask the pharmacist about paracetamol suppositories. I did explain in my very long letter to my gp that projectile vomiting is a HUGE problem along with nausea when I get a migraine but that seems to have been glossed over. He was quoted the price of £62.50 for not very many. I’m afraid I simply don’t have £62.50 for medications, especially when I was already having to cover the cost of the suggested medications soluble paracetamol, aspirin and buccastem, with the supplements that I was also being asked to try to see if these also helped or reduced the amount of migraines I have been having. I have had to buy Magnesium ( taken very carefully to begin with due to the possibility of undiagnosed Myasthenia Gravis ), Co enzyme Q10 and Riboflavin ( Vitamin B2). I have to take these without fail for the next 8 weeks to see if they make any difference to the severity of my migraines or frequency. All in all I have had to spend over £50 on supplements and medications – thankfully my sumatriptan didn’t cost me anything as I get free prescriptions, had I have had to pay for it you could basically add on another £10 making it as near as dam it 60 quid in total. 

That really pissed me off….in a time when many people have either been made redundant / furloughed on 80% pay or are on Universal Credit for the first time in their lives due to Covid-19, my gp’s surgery was so out of touch that they didn’t bother contacting me to ask if I needed them to write me a prescription for the OTC medication so that I didn’t have to bear the cost. Thankfully neither my husband or my income has been hit due to the current global pandemic but we know that we are in the minority not the majority. It really grinds my gears that many other people who have been told to follow this protocol simply wouldn’t have been able to afford it or would have had to choose between food or medical treatment and surely that is very, very wrong in the 6th or 7th richest country in the world? I know had I been in a position where I couldn’t afford to buy the OTC medication ( let alone the supplements) I would have been far too embarrassed to admit this to my doctor or anyone. Poverty seems to be a thing that is really looked down on in the UK and many simply feel that those in poverty are somehow at fault for it when everyone ( except the very wealthy ) are one illness or accident away from finding their lives changed forever. 

The practical side of me kicked in, I know what a state I am in when a migraine happens. I am incredibly unlucky that my migraines 99.9999% of the time happen at night and I wake up with them either just starting or already raging. When I first started getting migraines at around the age of 8 years old, I used to get the classic aura, zig zag lines either black and white or primary colours or it could be that I would get tunnel vision or parts of my vision would disappear, usual in the central field of vision. It has been a few years since I have had that kind of migraine. For at least the last 4 years they have come on at night and when they do I am pretty much incapacitated immediately. So I decided that I would make myself a migraine grab bag. This bag or large zipped pouch really, would contain the soluble paracetamol, aspirin, sumatriptan and buccastem along with a bottle of water and a plastic pint glass. Just so I could “grab” that bag and know that I had everything in one place and not have to worry about trying to navigate stairs / call Mr Myasthenia Kid for help. Time is of the essence for me once an attack is underway as nausea sets in very quickly so there is a very short time frame for me to administer medications before it gets to the point where anything taken orally will be projectile vomited. 

The bag doesn’t look very big in the photo but it is at least 14 inches wide and 12 inches tall. I used this fabric as a) I absolutely love it and b) it is a totally different fabric style to the other zipped pouches I have in my room. Plus if I say to Mr Myasthenia Kid “the one with hippo’s on” he won’t need his glasses to identify it! It still has plenty of room inside it even though it has a bottle of water , a couple of plastic pint glasses and the medications within it.

I am still terrified at the prospect of the next migraine but I feel like at least I am putting things in place to help / get me through. I am now keeping a food diary to see if there are any obvious triggers ( when I was a kid there was coca cola, Halls menthol cough sweets, Scampi Fries and orange juice although none of these seem to have the triggering effect now – although I still can’t stand anything menthol). I have also bought myself a Migraine tracker book, which details when the migraine starts, finishes, symptoms possible trackers, things that helped etc. Which I thought would be a good thing to keep if the sumatriptan doesn’t help and I end up having to see a Migraine specialist. I couldn’t resist this one when I saw it

I am feeling prepared, still frightened but prepared. We shall just have to see what happens….

Medical arse covering

/ RachelMorrisMcGeethemyastheniakid / Leave a comment

I know that this blog is called the Myasthenia Kid and yet of late I barely mention any Myasthenia like symptoms. Let me assure you I suffer almost every day with MG like symptoms. I think after my treatment at the hands of Doctors in 2009 and 2010, I just shut down. Those doctors who were the supposed experts did such psychological damage to me that I struggle even now ten years later to vocalise when the MG symptoms strike.

Currently the ptosis I suffer with ( daily to varying degrees) has been diagnosed as idiopathic hemifacial spasms ( and they ignore the fact that mestinon cures these “spasms” in around 20-30 minutes). The treatment suggested back in 2017 was Botox injections, funnily enough though no one has stepped up to do these injections, could that be because 1. I don’t have spasms my face is paralysed and 2. Botox and MG are contraindicated?

Its like the home oxygen supply I have,  apparently I don’t have any issues with my breathing well other than the suggested breath holding by the twat of a pulmanologist I saw ten years ago….. yet I have an oxygen cylinder and an oxygen concentrator. Do you see the running thread here at all? One might suggest there was a hell of a lot of ass covering going on here.

I have breathing problems on quite a regular basis. A lot of the time the shortness of breath can be alleviated with a booster dose of mestinon… you know the tablet that doesn’t work. On my very bad days I will use my oxygen concentrator. Tonight maybe one of those nights. I know why this is happening it is because I have been pushing myself so hard physically the last few days trying to get jobs completed. It’s the first time in around a year that I have done this much and as usual I have totally ignored the fact it will knock me on my ass.

Due to me having PoTs I take mestinon (also known as pyridostigmine bromide). It raises standing blood pressure, I can’t say that I have noticed any effect on my blood pressure but it really helps with the Ptosis and muscle strength which I lose as the day goes on. But obviously the muscle strength thing is all in my head and the ptosis resolving is the placebo effect. I just think it is another case of arse covering.

Some days when things are really bad the mestinon does nothing. It doesn’t help the breathing or the ptosis. Those days I stay in bed and pray that I don’t need the hospital. Years ago I told Jay no more trips to hospital unless I was unconscious or I asked specifically asked. I don’t do hospitals anymore because I always get treated like I am a time waster who “thinks” I have Myasthenia Gravis. 

Even though I have multiple conditions now diagnosed, some doctors still ignore all that – even with the positive test results and jump straight onto the fact that I was diagnosed by a neurologist with somatiform disorder – notice I say a neurologist. Which is a bit like asking a cardiologist to do spinal surgery.  They also like to bring up my mini breakdown in 1999 – yes 20 years ago and use that as a reason why I am unwell. Despite the fact I went many years without any depression due to the hard work I put in through two years of counselling and CBT.

Yes at the moment I am suffering with depression and anxiety which I would consider perfectly normal considering the losses I have dealt with in the last two years. I have lost 4 friends, my grandmother and my three dogs. Obviously Frankie and Mollie passing within 7 days of each other really knocked me back. I ended up speaking to a doctor last week – more on that in a second, and had my antidepressant dose raised and was given some diazepam for when I can’t get out of the panic cycle. Thankfully since the antidepressants have been increased and I have the diazepam I have been feeling quite a bit better. It’s just as well as I have to be honest I really wasn’t coping, I was doing a great job of masking it and some people can’t get their heads around high functioning depression. Believe me I can keep going even when I feel dead inside. It takes a lot for me to finally crumble. And last week it finally happened.

Anyway a slight diversion just for a laugh, I am on the phone breaking my heart to this doctor, saying about the panic attacks, the anxiety, the grief and the depression. I kid you not I was asked if I had considered taking Kalms (  see what they are here ) and then the piece de resistance had I tried rescue remedy (here ) if I hadn’t been breaking my heart I would have launched at her. What the hell was she doing ??? look at the medications I am on does she not think that I am way past some fucking Kalms and 3 drops of rescue remedy? I couldn’t get off the phone quick enough, despite that she still managed to bang on about using meditation. I pointed out it doesn’t work for me and leaves me feeling worse.

I do a guided meditation when I can’t sleep and my mind goes nuts with useless information flying through it. It makes me seriously worry that if someone was suicidal this berk would have offered them St Johns Wort and wondered why they hung themselves. Obviously the last sentence isn’t funny its a genuine concern, when depression isn’t taken seriously and the problem here was a locum gp who wasn’t aware of my magnificent mental health history, they may try to fob someone off with mindfulness. Mindfulness is fine when people feel a bit down or stressed but it won’t treat someone who is very / severely depressed. Same as rescue remedy will not treat Generalised anxiety disorder or OCD. It is only because I can and do speak up for myself that I got what I needed, increased meds and some extra meds. I knew I just needed a bit of breathing space to put myself back together. Had I not forced the issue, well I don’t want to think about it really because I was teetering on the edge of becoming seriously unwell.

Anyway I digress, don’t I always. The way I have been treated by the medical profession especially any time that Myasthenia Gravis is raised has left me with a fear of doctors and a phobia of hospitals. I have spoken to so many other people with chronic illnesses who say the same. We stop going to the doctor because we know we will be fobbed off.

Take the doctor in July who told me the pain in my neck and the numbness in my arm was stress. In December I went back, because I was now losing my grip and the numbness was worse and I am told I have an impinged nerve, I need physio but the doctor believes I will probably need surgery to decompress the nerve. Thankfully I have avoided that by paying to see my private Physio. Someone who works with me and lets me know that she understands I know my limitations and she can’t push me.

So no the MG symptoms haven’t disappeared I doubt they ever will. They will just be a host of additional symptoms that no one is prepared to say without a positive SFEMG or blood test what it is and lots of medical arse covering will take place.

Me on Monday afternoon. Does this look like a spasm to you or paralysis? As you can see both eyes are trying to close. My right pupil has drifted to the side of my eye socket. The left eye is desperately trying to stay open by pulling the eyebrow up but as you can see the eyelid is trying to close. The fuckwittery I have to deal with is outstanding!