It seems currently I can’t help myself, I appear to be moaning all the time in my blog posts. No outside observation has drawn my attention to this, it’s just I am starting to bore myself with it.
In January this year I went gluten-free after my mum’s diagnosis of Coeliacs Disease, four weeks ago I cut out dairy, which effectively means I am now vegan (after being vegetarian since birth). I am finding it relatively easy although in the second week I was craving cheese like mad. I did however work out it wasn’t the cheese I wanted but the salt it contained. I won’t lie I have found since giving up dairy the burning pain I had in the majority of my joints all day every day has gone. Which is great but the withdrawal from dairy has been hellish, for the first three days I had an almighty headache that I just couldn’t shift. Then recently I have had to endure the mother of all hidradenitis suppurativa flare ups, which has been incredibly uncomfortable and needing antibiotics to treat them.
I know its very early days in my whole food plant-based journey, 4 weeks is not enough to remove all signs of previous dairy consumption from my system but I really would have rather have the widespread burning pain in my joints daily than live with the pain my back is currently generating.
Monday I woke up with a trapped nerve which meant I could barely walk, the pain went from just above my bum, through my buttock, down my leg and into my foot. Most of Monday was spent chasing down pain levels that would have had me weeping with despair had I the energy levels. Tuesday it wasn’t too bad thankfully as for the first time in nearly a year I had a full head of highlights done. Luckily my hairdresser comes to the house but it’s still exhausting. By the time I got up from the chair I was left in severe pain in both arse cheeks. This was muscular in origin but it still really hurt. This morning I feel like I have been kicked by a horse in both bum cheeks, I have nerve pain running down my left leg and the whole of my pelvic girdle is on fire. Iliac crest pain for me is one of the worst types of pain I have to deal with as absolutely nothing stops it. I am currently sat on my heated throw hoping that once again a few hours of this will reduce the pain enough so that I can walk without pain.
Although I am sleeping better since the introduction of melatonin in January or maybe it was December (pain is just clouding my mind at the moment), currently I am exhausted from the minute I wake up. The quality of sleep is just not there and I do think my back is playing a major part in this. If it’s this painful whilst awake what the hell is it like when I am trying to sleep? I say trying because currently I am waking up every few hours feeling like parts of my body are being crushed. All this despite having a memory foam mattress and memory foam mattress topper. I feel groggy all the time during the day, like I have only just woken up. I hate not having a clear head as it feels like everything is a constant fight all the time. I can only describe it as feeling like I am hungover 24/7, which is disappointing when no alcohol is involved.
Even on days when my back is relatively ok by the evening the pain has returned, so there is no escape. When I can’t think clearly I don’t risk doing Pilates and injuring myself but it’s a vicious cycle. I need to start the Pilates to build up more core strength but I am paralysed by pain. At some point I will have to take the bull by the horns and just do it. But as I have said before part of my fear of doing the exercises is because that is how the leak started last year. I am also terrified of being stuck on the floor alone and having to call Jay out of work. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and have it all go away. I would then give everyone else a go on the magic wand and let them reap the benefits.
So I find myself moaning again, which I hate doing, especially when there are others out there much worse than me.