It was my birthday Saturday and I am still recovering from the small party we held. Add in a trip to my home town the day before which was an hours drive away and you have an exhausted Rachel, for days on end.
I will admit I ended up with a two day hangover due to the amount of alcohol consumed. Sunday and Monday were mainly spent sleeping and downing fluids like there was no tomorrow. I rarely drink these days, one glass of wine is often enough to leave me slurring my words, so imagine my surprise on Saturday night when I seemed to be able to drink copious amounts without it having its usual effect. I had made my favourite punch Malibu Earl of Paradise Punch recipe here. My friends say this punch is pure evil because it tastes so good but leaves you with a dreadful hangover because you don’t realise how lethal it is. It has become a firm favourite for our gatherings and due to the time of year when we hold our parties I tend to substitute the fresh raspberries with frozen ones, I just make sure they have fully defrosted.
The friends that visited me Saturday night will never see me in the recovery phase. I sometimes wonder if its worth it, I am now 41 and a night partying would take its toll even if I was 100% healthy. However having nothing to look forward to all year and not seeing anyone is not an option. On Saturday night our guests were already asking us if we will be holding another summer gathering like we did this year. The answer is yes because I need something to look forward to during the year. These get together’s are the only time that I see everyone and when you are chronically sick it is sometimes you that has to make all the arrangements. I don’t mind this as our parties have become something of what we jokingly call a “hot ticket”, so few people are invited that it has become very special to those who are. Hubby and I find it hard to get our heads around but it’s very flattering.
I hurt like hell, EDS (Ehlers Danlos Syndrome) is flaring out of control, every single joint from the base of my skull down is throbbing. My fingers have swollen, typing this is a bit of a nightmare due to hitting the wrong keys. Thank goodness for the grammar and spell checker or this wouldn’t make much sense at all. My dysautonomia symptoms are flaring up also, due to being so tired I am finding it very difficult to control my body temperature and I am feeling very breathless. My body is just letting me know that I have pushed myself to the absolute limits and to expect a roller coaster ride for the next few weeks whilst I get back on an even keel.
Please don’t misinterpret what I am saying I don’t feel sorry for myself, I feel angry. I am angry that this condition will not give me a break just for a little while so I can behave like a normal person for a few days without demanding pay back. I was already sore before the party began. I was downing pain medication like it was going out of fashion just so I would make it through the night. I made it through but now I am left with the consequences, hence the title of the post. Trying to be normal is a tiring business.
Many people don’t understand how I can say that I am so sick yet host a party or travel to my home town. What they don’t realise is that it only happens once or twice a year and it takes a month or more of preparation. For two days before my trip to visit my parents I up my fluids, salt tablets and fludrocortisone so that I am better able to cope. The day of the party I rest as much as possible and again drink lots of fluids particularly sports drinks to ensure I am fully hydrated. For the month prior to the party I have a rest schedule that I stick to religiously. Even with all these measures in place enjoying myself comes at a high price and the one thing that really annoys me is the judgement of others within the chronically sick community.
I always get the blues after a period of social activity, it never happens after medical appointments it just happens when I have seen friends or family. The days seem so long and empty afterwards that it makes the isolation seem much worse. Most of the time I can cope with it but always after a gathering it just seems to amplify how very alone I am. Its silly really as hubby is on holiday this week as we both knew how very ill I would be. So technically I am not alone but I am not in the social whirlwind that was last week either. Believe me I am in no fit state to be receiving guests at the moment however it doesn’t stop the longing for some social interaction. It isn’t until you are reminded of what its like to have some company when you haven’t had any for a while that it really brings home to you how isolated you are. The next few days will be hard until I begin to adjust to it again.