PAIN

I have been suffering with an increasing amount of pain over the last few months and the last few days have been a complete nightmare. I am barely sleeping and I am waking up at around 6am in the morning shaking due to the pain I am in. I just can’t get on top of it.

Currently my pain is in my left Achilles tendon, both hands,both knees, my spine and pelvis. My spine and pelvis are what is waking me up in the morning. Usually a little gentle stretching and walking will loosen things up and make the pain subside. For the last two days this hasn’t worked. Don’t get me wrong I am not screaming in agony but every movement producing a grinding, gnawing pain. I can feel my hip bones grinding in the sockets as I move. My muscles are also aching and the pain is making me feel quite unwell and I am getting tearful at the drop of a hat. Which isn’t like me unless I am on prednisolone!

I have taken matters into my own hands today and rung the Dr’s surgery and asked that the duty Dr ring me. I need something now to deaden the pain and I can’t wait until Dr J my own GP is back in work tomorrow. If they fob me off I will take myself to accident and emergency, they wouldn’t leave an animal in this kind of pain.

I believe this cycle of pain has been started off by Lilith making me walk last Wednesday, the pain has got progressively worse since then. I tried to tell her it was a bad idea but she wouldn’t have any of it.

 Yesterday my knee gave out whilst I was coming out of the shower, how my face isn’t covered in bruises all the colours of the rainbow I don’t know. Falling like that makes me feel weak and vulnerable. I haven’t even mentioned to hubs as there is no point stressing him out over something he can’t change. Ive been lucky this time there is no evidence of my fall! Otherwise I would have had a bit of explaining to do.

I didn’t need to contact him at work as I had a friend coming around for coffee about 30mins after my little escapade. I wasn’t going to be alone and to be honest I prefer to cry on my friends shoulders rather than hubs. Not that he is unsympathetic, he really gets my frustrations its just it puts more stress on him that he doesn’t need. He already has it pretty tough with holding down a full time job and looking after the dogs and me. I admire him so much for coping with all of this. People don’t realise just how much he has to do and it is done without complaining and with a sense of humour. He has the ability to turn the darkest moment into side splitting laughing attack. Its a quality he shares with no one else and I love him deeply for it. Don’t tell him though as it will go to his head.

There are millions of husbands, wives, mums, dads, brothers and sisters balancing their own lives whilst tending to the needs of their chronically sick nearest and dearest. They are an unpaid, unrecognised, voluntary organisation that receive very little thanks or recognition from the outside world. So to all you carers out there I salute you and thank you from the bottom of my heart. xxxx

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