I am full of good intentions! I have been promising myself since January 1st that I would work on my novel for an hour a day. It didn’t happen in January, February or March and now its April. I did do around a 1,000 words in one go in January and then Hubs had his car crash and every waking hour seemed to be consumed with dealing with the fall out.
I seem to come up with reasonable excuses not to work. I’m not in the mood, I feel crappy and don’t feel inspired. I have to be honest writing is a job and no job gets done by wishful thinking. When they come up with a machine that reads your mind and writes the novel for you please let me know.
Procrastination should be my middle name!
I like to work when the muse is with me. When those pesky characters are chatting away to you and the words just seem to flow from your finger tips without having to make any conscious thought. Lately it feels like the muse has packed her bags and left.
My latest excuse has been that I have been unable to locate my memory stick. Alas in January it was put in a safe place! After over an hour of turning every conceivable safe place out, it was found in a bowl in the kitchen that I emptied last week looking for it! It seems not only the muse has deserted me but the pesky fairies are deciding to wind me up also!
So I settled down this afternoon, electric blanket on I am riddled with pain today – apart from my hands- that will be tomorrow after so much typing today! Laptop on the lap tray/ breakfast tray one of those ones you can use in bed it has legs so its a bit like a desk! Notebook at my side ready to expand on the ideas I have had. Keanes “Hopes and Dreams” in the CD player.
I have always had to write with music on. When I was younger it was always Enya or Clannad, now its Cold play, Keane, Dido or Travis moody haunting lyrics which set the scene in my head. My favourite track on the Keane album is Bedshaped – just popped it on now. It just reminds me of rain, loneliness and wanting to be loved. Something my leading character Tom identifies with.
Quite often if I am feeling guilty I will play the Keane album to kick myself up the bum to get going again or just have some ideas float around my head. Most of my ideas come from conversations I hear the characters having. Hopefully those of you that write or are creative will understand what I mean rather than think I need sectioned!
I hate starting exactly where I left off. I need to get back into the mood of what I am writing again. I also loath the white screen with the cursor blinking away – its so much pressure. So today I went back to the start and read what I had written previously. It was horrible! I am proud of what I have written I have a unique style – often complained about during my essay writing years (a-levels through to degree). I write how I talk, however my novel is of a higher standard than my blog. My blog is where my mind just pours out ideas. Most times I don’t even know what I am going to write until my fingers hit the keyboard and then off I go…………………….. a bit like now.
There were so many obvious and glaring mistakes in my work. Repetition of words, unbalanced sentences, flabby sentences everything you don’t want to see! I was so very proud of what I had written and today it looked amateurish and contrived. Actually truthfully I think I am being overly critical of myself. I am not an author, I am someone who is doing this for fun and something to pass the time. I am not the next Booker Prize winner, as much as I would love that! Just getting this first novel finished would be fabulous as so far its been 18 months and I am only 20,000 words in. My problem is consistency in applying myself and the need to continually edit. I see one mistake I correct that and then move onto the next. I wish I could just let go and write in the same way I write this blog, not caring so very much.
Its a weird juxtaposition, my blog is open to anyone who wants to see it anywhere in the world and if I make mistakes in it I can let it go. My novel which has been seen by precisely three people consumes me with a perfectionist streak. I don’t get it?
So as ever I was full of good intentions, maybe I will try again tomorrow?